Sunday, May 18, 2008

Marriage

Being a proud, card carrying member of the M club - I'll be the first one to say marriage isn't for everyone. Finding the right person is the easy part. No one knows what will happen 15-60 years from now. We can just hope for the best, and plan for the future.

But like John Lennon said - sometimes the future happens when you're busy making other plans.

It pains me to see/hear people who jump into marriage when they obviously aren't ready, or they get married for all the wrong reasons (i.e., they feel it's expected of them as soon as they reach a certain age). This seems like a no-brainer, but so many people force themselves to marry just because they're so afraid of being alone and missing out.

Then there's the other camp - that married for all the right reasons - but for whatever reason the marriage ends. So much gets invested in a "marriage" that it's heartbreaking to cut that tie and both people have to rebuild their lives and move on. Made even more difficult when children are involved.

Last night at dinner, a friend of ours said it was nice to see that U. and I make time for ourselves (like this trip, and date night twice a week) without the baby. He mentioned that after his son was born, both he and his wife were just obsessed with the kid and never left the house or made time for just themselves, and that's partly why the marriage didn't work.

There's no magic wand for a happy marriage. There are 2 people involved, and as much as I like to think I can read my husband's mind - he is his own person.

My mom loves to tell me what I like to eat and want I don't like - but she fails to realize that my tastes have changed from when I was a kid. I eat SO much healthier now and it's just a whole new ballgame. The same goes for marriage. There are 2 people making a journey together, and life is so unpredictable it's impossible to predict where you both will be years from now.

Today I was very sad to read that a friend of mine is going through a divorce after 15 years of a marriage. She has a young son and my heart goes out to her.

I never preach how great marriage is, because as great as it can be, it's also a lot of work, and if it doesn't work out there's tremendous heartache and headache. But I always hope for that "live happily ever after" ending even if in reality it's peppered with arguments about who should take out the trash and yes you were sitting on the remote control (as well as deeper issues). I envision an anniversary party with an elderly couple slow dancing to Louis Armstrong's "What a wonderful world" surrounded by their grown adult children, and grand kids. It's a nice dream to have don't you think?

1 comment:

Jeannie said...

Even after almost 35 years of marriage there are times when I wonder 'what was I thinking when I married this man!" and I'm sure he thinks the same of me. Lucky for us, we love each other desperately, warts and all. But I have had friends that love wasn't enough. It's hard work but oh so worth it when you both are going in the same direction. I can't think of anything more miserable, other than losing a child, to be in the wrong kind of relationship with another person. Like you, I still hope for the dream of my DH and I continuing to grow old together and celebrating the years with our family around us. It's a beautiful dream and one worth working towards. When the dream is suddenly and unexpectedly snatched away, as with our mutual friend, it's such a heartache. I would be devastated if it were to happen to me. So, I continue on the journey with faith and love that we have the happy ending that we want and desire. Loving and being loved is a wonderful gift.