Marriage

Being a proud, card carrying member of the M club - I'll be the first one to say marriage isn't for everyone. Finding the right person is the easy part. No one knows what will happen 15-60 years from now. We can just hope for the best, and plan for the future.

But like John Lennon said - sometimes the future happens when you're busy making other plans.

It pains me to see/hear people who jump into marriage when they obviously aren't ready, or they get married for all the wrong reasons (i.e., they feel it's expected of them as soon as they reach a certain age). This seems like a no-brainer, but so many people force themselves to marry just because they're so afraid of being alone and missing out.

Then there's the other camp - that married for all the right reasons - but for whatever reason the marriage ends. So much gets invested in a "marriage" that it's heartbreaking to cut that tie and both people have to rebuild their lives and move on. Made even more difficult when children are involved.

Last night at dinner, a friend of ours said it was nice to see that U. and I make time for ourselves (like this trip, and date night twice a week) without the baby. He mentioned that after his son was born, both he and his wife were just obsessed with the kid and never left the house or made time for just themselves, and that's partly why the marriage didn't work.

There's no magic wand for a happy marriage. There are 2 people involved, and as much as I like to think I can read my husband's mind - he is his own person.

My mom loves to tell me what I like to eat and want I don't like - but she fails to realize that my tastes have changed from when I was a kid. I eat SO much healthier now and it's just a whole new ballgame. The same goes for marriage. There are 2 people making a journey together, and life is so unpredictable it's impossible to predict where you both will be years from now.

Today I was very sad to read that a friend of mine is going through a divorce after 15 years of a marriage. She has a young son and my heart goes out to her.

I never preach how great marriage is, because as great as it can be, it's also a lot of work, and if it doesn't work out there's tremendous heartache and headache. But I always hope for that "live happily ever after" ending even if in reality it's peppered with arguments about who should take out the trash and yes you were sitting on the remote control (as well as deeper issues). I envision an anniversary party with an elderly couple slow dancing to Louis Armstrong's "What a wonderful world" surrounded by their grown adult children, and grand kids. It's a nice dream to have don't you think?

Growing up without turning into Annette Bening's character from American Beauty

It's funny how life works. For years you think in terms of "when I grow up" and then one day you suddenly realize you're all grown up when your husband remarks, "That's all good, but just make sure you don't turn into the Annette Bening character from American Beauty."

Who can forget that unforgettable slapping scene where Annette Bening's character Caryoln, the suburban wife, mother and real estate agent is trying to sell that crappy house, and behind closed vertical mini blinds her keeping-up-appearances crumbles and she loses it and starts slapping her face hysterically, telling herself she is weak?

For the first time in my life my compensation is enough to support my husband and family. Just me alone. Who would have thought? It wasn't too long ago that my husband supported me so I could take a year sabbatical to teach, and then stay home with our daughter. Now that U. has started his own company, I'm happy to be able to do the same for him to support his dreams and aspirations.

My rising star and ambition is great as long as I have balance in my life, but I don't ever want my husband smoking out in the garage having a mid life crisis (fantasizing about working as a fast food clerk) while all I'm concerned about is my next commission. It's important that we're both not so caught up in the rat race that we forget about what's really important to us.

So on our date night tonight, after dinner and drinks - we did something a bit out of the ordinary - something we haven't done since we were kids. We went to our local neighborhood carnival in Cypress Park for Cinco de Mayo and rode the Super Slide. Seeing my husband's big smile as he sat on his blanket, gliding down that long slide was priceless.

Yes, honey I'll always try to remember your comment about not turning into Annette Bening's character from American Beauty. That was a pearl of wisdom I'll try and live by.

U.S. divorce rate lowest since 1970

Something positive in the news recently...

Despite the common notion that America remains plagued by a divorce epidemic, the national per capita divorce rate has declined steadily since its peak in 1981 and is now at its lowest level since 1970.

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Click here to read the full article.

Yes, that's me and the hubby on our wedding day.

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I remember before we got married, Uwe and I went to a French restaurant for dinner and discussed what marriage meant to us. It was an important step (before the leap), and looking back the beginning of our marriage becoming something more than just the two of us.

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When they ask couples who've been married for 40-50 years, what their secret is to a happy marriage, they typically say variations of the following:

Photo by: Doxieone

"We don't always see eye to eye but we always love and support each other."Photo by: fooldesk

"We never go to bed angry."

OR
"Having a sense of humor is important."

Photo by: Pink Sherbet Photography

"Being sweet to one another." (Includes being thoughtful, kind, loving, and respecting and appreciating one another.)

Of all the things I've done and accomplished in my life, I'm most proud of my marriage. It's developed and grown and flexed over the years and is constantly evolving (as we are!).